Castrating the Ego

The only problem with not castrating
A gigantic ego is

That it will surely become amorous
And father
A hundred screaming ideas and kids

Who will then all quickly grow up
And skillfully proceed

To run up every imaginable debt
And complication of which your brain
Can conceive

This would concern normal parents
And any seekers of freedom

And the local merchants nearby
As well.

They could easily become forced
To disturb your peace;

All those worries and bills could turn to
Wailing ghosts.

The only problem with not lassoing
A runaway ego is

You won’t have much desire to sing
In this sweet
World.

Here are the ten questions:

1. Will this choice propel me toward an inspiring future or will it keep me stuck in the past?
2. Will this choice bring me longterm fulfillment or will it bring me short-term gratification?
3. Am I standing in my power or am I trying to please another?
4. Am I looking for what’s right or am I looking for what’s wrong?
5. Will this choice add to my life or will it rob me of my energy?
6. Will I use this situation as a catalyst to grow and evolve or will I use it to beat myself up?
7. Does this choice empower me or does it disempower me?
8. Is this an act of faith or is it an act of fear?
9. Is this an act of self-love or is it an act of self-sabotage?
10. Am I choosing from my divinity or am I choosing from my humanity?

These questions, combined with mindfulness practice, offer the opportunity to create a life that is renewing and energizing instead of depleting. “Our choices affect our mood and the way we feel about ourselves. They influence the quality of our relationships with ourselves, others, and our world” (Ford). Our choices do matter if we wish to live our lives with intention.

Every night as I lay in bed I tell myself that I am going to live more intentionally tomorrow. The alarm goes off and my feet hit the floor and the intention is gone as I get into the busyness of the day. I love these questions and see the value they would offer me…. it is in the remembering.  I am looking forward to playing with these questions.

I wonder what my life might be like if I made choices about what to eat or whether or not to exercise from my divinity or my humanity?

What would yours look like?

“When the heart weeps for what is lost, the soul rejoices for what is found.”

A few weeks ago I shared the story of my visit to an aunt who is dying. I would like to continue with that story and share a very special moment with my cousins… but first a bit of background information.

My cousin, Terry and I are a few months apart and growing up we would often spend a week with each other over the summer either at her house or mine until we started working when we were 16.  She has a younger sister, Kathy.  The three of us were married in the same year… and are still married. (Apparently it was a good year).  We haven’t seen much of each other these past 30 years as we have been busy raising children and we live 250 miles from each other.

I don’t remember the exact year, it was almost twenty years ago, Terry developed an aneurysm in her brain that resulted in short term memory loss, facial nerve paralysis and difficulty walking. It was devastating.  While she is no longer able to work or drive a car, she has helped to raise her grandchildren, and maintains a home. Her positive attitude is an inspiration.

Back to our reunion….

My cousins and I were able to visit in the family lounge at the hospital where my aunt was being cared for.  In a very short period of time we were able to “catch up” with each other’s lives. The details were unimportant… we didn’t really have a lot of time for that anyway.  Rather, we shared some memories and celebrated our family roots.  We cried and laughed together, sharing our pain and our joys.

The love and appreciation in the room that day was palpable. We were and are survivors.  I can’t remember Terry’s parting words.  They were something to the effect that no matter what has happened in our life or the physical changes due to chronic illness, we see and accept each other as we are.  Even stronger than our shared DNA, our heart connection that afternoon was imprinted on my soul.

As I reflect upon the three of us in this writing, I sense that we are warriors of the heart, living and loving our lives with gratitude and acceptance.  I learned a great deal from Terry and Kathy during our short visit…I hold them both in my heart and I know they are doing the same for me…. we are, after all, one heart.

I only received one letter from her because it is difficult for some of the women to communicate outside of their families or they do not know how to read or write. Rashan is married and has four children, one of whom has a disability.  Through participation in this program she learned many things…. Here is an excerpt from her letter.

“Since I joined women for women international program I have learned a lot of things that from rights lessons I learned that both men and women have equal rights and women can take decision in their family and women can work like men in government.

BlogFrom business I learned that accounting has a very important role in our life and I learned writing and reading of numbers till 40 to not have a problem in spend of our expenses in buying.

From cattle farming and poultry I learned that we must keep clean the place of cattle and hens, if we have sheep in our house from selling its milk we can solve problems of our family expenses.”

Congratulations Rashan…. I am so proud of you.

This month I have been assigned a new woman named Qaladara. She is also from Afghanistan. She is single and 30 years old, the same age as my eldest daughter. I can only imagine how different their lives must be.

To learn more about Women for Women International or to sponsor a woman visit http://womenforwomen.org

“By and large, people don’t like to live in the realm of ‘not knowing.’ It’s terrifying. Which is why everybody wants to have all the answers. Atheists think that science has all the answers. Religious fundamentalists believe their particular theology does. But ‘not knowing’ is a richer and more gratifying place to be. I have no idea what’s going to happen to me, why the universe is the way it is, or what will happen to my life force once my body stops working. You probably don’t either. So just breath and live the great, beautiful mystery. And floss regularly.”

Rainn Wilson http://SoulPancake.com

It is okay to not know the answer to life’s big questions. How simple is that? I love the freedom that comes with accepting and living in the mystery of it all.  Thank you Rainn.

I was excited to see her and nervous at the same time. Would I have the right words? I rehearsed many different conversations in my mind as I wanted my words to be jsut right. I wanted them to offer comfort. As I wrote in my previous post, it was my desire to be a healing presence.

When my mother and I walked into the room and were greeted with a hug by my cousin all my thoughts about what I was going to say went right out the window. I was just in the pain of it all. Words were not necessary, it turns out, as we embraced each other.

My aunt looked good… her pain was well managed for the first time in a really long time and she was accepting of her impending death. She spoke from her heart, grateful for the time she has had since her initial diagnosis of cancer at the age of 38. (She is in her mid-70s). She spoke of her son in Texas who was feeling badly about not being able to be with her and assured him that she holds him in her heart. At that I started to weep and as I said good-bye, she expressed her love.

None of what happened that afternoon was anything like I had rehearsed in my mind. The truth is that what happened during our visit was far greater than anything I could’ve imagined. Her acceptance of “what is” and the love she radiated was a gift that I shall always treasure.

Shirley, I hold you in my heart and I thank you for your loving presence in my life.

An excerpt from Entering Death by John O’Donohue (To Bless the Space Between Us)

May you be tranquil among those who care for you.
May your going be sheltered and your welcome assured.
May your soul smile in the embrace of your Anam Cara.

In her book, Fain quotes Kristin Neff from the University of Texas, who has studied self-compassion. Neff posits that self-compassion is comprised of three main components: mindful awareness, self-kindness, and common humanity.

“Mindful awareness or mindfulness is simply giving full attention to the present moment with as little judgment or as much acceptance as you can muster.” (Fain) I get that … not easy to do but I’ve discovered that when I focus on just this moment there is an awareness of that part of me that has been with me since my earliest memories. There is no room for self-criticism if I stay in that place, however, it is difficult to stay there and my time there is fleeting. My ego usually wins out and I find myself in the past, the future, or in a state of self-loathing.

When I go to that place of self-loathing, Fain suggests using self-kindness to reframe or stop my negative thoughts. Self-kindness is “treating yourself with care and understanding rather than beating yourself up with harsh criticisms.” Sounds easy enough… my ego is one tough cookie for which I am grateful on the days she tells me get moving and not give in to the illnesses in my body. Only most of the time she goes too far and berates me, telling me that there is no use in trying. My ego and I need to work on this one…

“The understanding that suffering is a part of the human experience, that you are not alone and others suffer similarly, is the essence of common humanity.” (Fain) We, my ego and I, are not alone in that many suffer in much that same way. I make mistakes and when I eat more than I should or choose foods that are not healthy, I am merely making a mistake. That is a much kinder perspective than the one that I often subscribe to that tells me I am less than….

Does self-compassion really lead to weight loss? I am two days into it and it is too soon to tell. It is very freeing to give up the scale and not worry so much about counting calories or carbs. I will keep you posted.

If you read a recent front page story of the San Francisco Chronicle, you would have read about a female humpback whale who had become entangled in a spider web of crab traps and lines. She was weighted down by hundreds of pounds of traps that caused her to struggle to stay afloat. She also had hundreds of yards of line rope wrapped around her body, her tail, her torso, a line tugging in her mouth.

A fisherman spotted her just east of the Farallon Islands (outside the Golden Gate ) and radioed an environmental group for help. Within a few hours, the rescue team arrived and determined that she was so bad off, the only way to save her was to dive in and untangle her.

They worked for hours with curved knives and eventually freed her. When she was free, the divers say she swam in what seemed like joyous circles.

She then came back to each and every diver, one at a time, and nudged them, pushed them gently around as she was thanking them.

Some said it was the most incredibly beautiful experience of their lives. The guy who cut the rope out of her mouth said her eyes were following him the whole time, and he will never be the same.

May you, and all those you love, be so blessed and fortunate to be surrounded by people who will help you get untangled from the things that are binding you.

And, may you always know the joy of giving and receiving gratitude. I pass this on to you, my friends, in the same spirit.

Author:  Jan O’Neill.  Shared by my good friend:  Sandy Gunderson.

Thank you both for sharing this heartwarming story.